then that heart of gold turned to rust. one too many times it did bust.
4-19-05.
i can tell a good thing when i see(m to lose) one
i don't know where else to put this normally i'd shove it ic and write it better but i can't do that soo sorry just pass by it i am tired and will probably be embarrassed i posted this later goodnight
i meant everything i ever said that (should have) made you smile
even though i said "i never meant it"
we're both just idiots if you believed that
because i meant every phrase from "i care" to "i love you" to "i'll always be there"
seven months trashed but i wouldn't call them garbage or wasted
just hold my hand cause there has to be better days
after losing you i know there can't be worse
don't think about all the kisses we'll never share,
or the memories we just have to shake.
my priorities weren't right; you should have been first.
how to handle this right was what i didn't know,
like throwing a pity party where you didn't show.
the worst thing is we didn't get a chance, all i got was a failed romance.
so this is how i cope - i don't,
and this is how you mope - you won't.
i don't know what hurts worse;
the chorus or the verse.
faking matters of the heart is where i would fall apart if i tried.
this falls short of what i want it to be
(but what else do you expect of me)
the worst thing is this probably doesn't even hurt you
and then i get mad at myself for wanting it to
three words can end it all, three words can end make us fall
you said "i hate you too"
and that probably is true
the worst thing is i never hated you
if i did you wouldn't be reading this right now
i guess it's pretty easy to let go of something you never wanted to hold onto
if i could let go i would but seven months later and i still don't know how
4-20-05
sleep is my favorite pasttime - i should work on my book but i am working on my heart instead
the doctor won't have enough remedies to make me forget you -- and even if he did i'd tell him to shove it. my hands are sore from hanging onto false hopes and my stomach hurts from swallowing back words i wish i said. i'm counting on wishes cause i can't count on anything else. it isn't stress keeping me up late nights its regret and my eyes are sore from trying to look up all the time. this is one of those times i just can't. i can't see a brighter side to anything when life without you is dark. keeping your chin up just gives you neck cramps and new lies. tylenol and i have one in common, neither of us is strong enough. if they haven't yet they never will -- no one else will ever bring out this side of me. thanks for being my good luck charm at beating the blues while you were, for a while i was winning - i'll never regret/forget you. i meant it when i said i never wanted to hurt you. i meant it when i said i love you. funny thing is, i still mean it.
